Reality's a Bitch
by upupdowndownleftrighta
Summary: The losses of many weigh heavily on Izuku's shoulders. Rated T for mentions of death.


It's about a year after Izuku's graduated from Yuuei and a year into his career as a hero when he fails as one. Ochako always tells him he's overreacting about it, but it's the job of a hero to save people, right? What kind of hero is he if he can't save a measly five people? And from _rubble_ for God's sake?

By that time, Izuku and his classmates have managed to make names for themselves, enough that they're finally treated as "real heroes" by the other Pros. It's still a long way to the top, but they're all climbing it with high heads and tight grips.

A villain had decided to shoot up a bank. He had a quirk similar to Kacchan's, something involving explosives, which Kacchan absolutely flipped about when he saw it on the news. Izuku and Ochako had been nearby when they heard the explosions (NOT on a date, NOT) and had joined up with Kamui Wood, Death Arms, and a few other people Izuku had recognized from Class B. All of them had thought up a plan and set it in motion. Everything was fine. Everything was supposed to be fine.

Then the guy decided to set off the apparent explosives he had placed around the building. Kamui Wood and Death Arms, as "more experienced heroes," had gone after the villain who somehow managed to flee unharmed (there must've been some sort of outside help, there was no way he could've gotten out of there without any bodily harm) while they rest of them had focused on rescue. Ochako used her zero gravity to lift up the larger amounts of rubble and one of the Class B kids, a girl with a quirk that made her hands incredibly large, got the citizens out. Everything was going to be okay. So far there were only a few broken bones and only one person with obvious head trauma. Everything was as fine as it could be.

Then Izuku was lifting up a large chunk of ceiling and almost hurled. He's suppressed the memory now, but he can vaguely remember dismemberment and _brains_ , brains _everywhere_.

Five adults. Two female, three male. They were caught in the direct explosion.

Izuku had never felt so useless.

As the years went by, Izuku and his friends and comrades made themselves huge. There were posters, action figures, lunch boxes, a few times Izuku had even found people _shipping_ a few of them (man, did Kirishima and Kaminari have a kick at _that_ ).

Izuku had made true to All Might's prediction—he had become the world's new Symbol of Peace.

It was something that had him beaming for weeks on end. The thought of it still makes him smile. The thought that everybody is more at peace just because he's around, that they look up to him and say to their kids "Don't worry, Deku's here. He'll protect all of us"… It makes him remember why he loves saving people so much.

So when his list of casualties begins growing… and growing… and growing… He feels like he's...

Lying.

 **AMAZING! HERO DEKU SAVES TOWN WITH JUST HIS RIGHT FIST!** he reads online. There was a freak landslide, he used his Detroit Smash to stop it from burying a town. He later finds out there were kids at the base of where the landslide had started. _Kids_ who _suffocated_. He couldn't sleep that night.

 **HERO DEKU SAVES HUNDREDS FROM FREAK FIRE!** he crumples the paper. Some fire broke out in a huge apartment complex, he didn't care to read how it happened, but Izuku had jumped in and brought as many people out as he could as Backdraft and Todoroki tried to stop the flames and the damage from spreading. While in the building, he finds some of the civilians that had been burned alive. Izuku couldn't get the images out of his head for a month.

" **And again the Hero Deku saves tons of people from a shooter in a gay bar who is said to have-"** he turns off the TV and accidentally crushes the remote for the third time this month. A homophobic gun-type had attacked a gay bar near where Izuku and his friends hung out to catch up. They stopped him easily, but by the time he and his friends had gotten there, there were near ten deaths. Izuku had asked to change hangouts.

Izuku landed on his terrace at the top of his apartment building. He felt One For All slowly power down as he let the energy he used to jump that high fade and he stood there.

He was shaking and his declined head made his hair fall over his eyes. After a minute of standing, he forced his leaden legs to move forward. He barely remembered typing in the password to disarm his security system long enough for him to enter his apartment and he barely registered resetting it and continuing inside until he felt a harsh sting go through his knees as they connected with the wooden floor in the middle of his living room.

He could vaguely hear someone walking around a floor beneath him, saying words he couldn't hear and then there was laughter. Izuku shakily sucked in a breath. How could they be laughing? How could they find any joy at all today? He couldn't understand—people's _lives_ had been lost…

Forty-three.

Forty-three men and women and _children_ , oh god, _children_ have now lost their lives because of Izuku's carelessness. If he had been _faster_ , if he had been _stronger_ -

Izuku choked out a strangled sob and clenched his fists tightly. Why would anyone even _want_ to be a villain? What was the point? He couldn't understand how people could willingly hurt others, willingly destroy people's lives just for the sake of it. He couldn't _understand_.

It's been like this ever since he was a first-year at Yuuei. Villains using their quirks to terrorize and kill people. To make some sort of _point_. He didn't understand it then, and he still doesn't understand it now. Izuku doesn't think he ever will.

People _died_ today. _Died_. Now that he thinks about it, people are probably still dying—somewhere in the world there's a person using their quirk to kill somebody, to completely turn somebody's life around, to leave a poor child orphaned and alone.

Izuku's heart seizes and he feels hot tears fall down his face, either dripping off his chin onto the ground or rolling down his neck. He can't even stand to _think_ about it. He should be out there, helping, saving. He was a hero after all. The world's new Symbol of Peace. It was his job, his duty. Who cares about the waves of fatigue that hit him? Who cares about the growling in his stomach or the ache in his muscles? Who cares if his eyes are blurry and he can't tell if he's been sitting there for five minutes or five hours? If somebody's life was extended because he threw away his own needs, then so be it-

"Deku-kuuuun!" He heard the familiar voice before his front door was loudly shut, the automated lock loud enough to be heard from there. Oh right, he did have an actual door and not just his terrace.

Under his breath, Izuku whispered, "Ochako-san…"

There were footsteps, ones that were coming closer. "Sorry for intruding! You just looked real bummed out after that last fight so I thought I could come over and see if I could- Deku-kun!" Whatever was in her hand dropped whenever she came into the doorway of Izuku's living room.

He was looking up at her with surprise peeking out of his turmoil. Ochako took one look at his tear-stained face and rushed over to him. She fell to her knees in front of him and wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug. Izuku couldn't find the strength to hug back.

They were like that for a few silent moments before Ochako whispered, "It's not your fault. There wasn't anything we could've done…"

Izuku only shook his head, not trusting his words.

Ochako hugged him tighter and squeezed her eyes shut. Deku would always get like this after battles if even one person had lost their life. While she loved how passionate he was about being a hero and saving everyone, she knew that dwelling on these types of things like he always does was going to kill him.

Symbol of Peace or not, Deku was just as human as the rest of them.

Ochako pulled away from the hug but kept her hands on him. She moved her hands to his face and made him look her in the eye. Seeing sorrow in those usually bright and cheerful eyes broke her heart and she could visibly see her hands shake as she wiped his tears away. "There was nothing we could do," she whispered, feeling herself getting choked up as well. He had a knack for that—his emotions were contagious. She wondered not for the first time if it was just because of how much he expressed himself physically and verbally.

"You saved lives today," Ochako reminded him, blinking away her own tears. "There were tons of people who got to go home to their husbands and wives and children today because of you, because of all of us."

"But-" He started, and cut himself off with a harsh breath. He lowered his head so she couldn't see his eyes anymore, so he wouldn't have to stare into those forgiving brown eyes of hers.

"Deku, Deku, _please_. _Izuku_." He had begun to pull away, but the use of his name made him halt. He tilted his head up enough so he could glance at her through the strands of his hair. She was smiling at him that warm hearted smile that had always sent butterflies through his stomach when they were teenagers (it still does now, but he wouldn't admit that ever).

"Izuku, you're such a great hero." His breath catches. "So many people look up to you, i-including most of our friends, including _me_ , and it's just-" She took a moment to collect herself. "Seeing you beat yourself up over this kinda hurts, you know? I-It's kinda like yer not seein' how great you are 'n just all the mistakes ya've made 'nd it's just not right! Yer so amazin' and brave and jus' the light of so many people's lives 'n-!" A small snort cuts her off and Izuku looks up with a shaking smile.

"Y-You started talking with your accent again…" Her shocked expression slowly fades away and is replaced by her endearing smile as he wipes his cheeks with breathless laughs, her own hands falling down into her lap. Her own snickers joined in with his.

After their laughter subsided, Ochako cupped Izuku's face in her hands again and smiled at him. "You're amazing, Deku-kun. You've saved so many people when we were kids and you've saved tons of people now and you're going to saved hundreds upon hundreds of people in the future. If you weren't here, so many more innocent civilians would have died."

Izuku leaned into Ochako's touch, closing his eyes and nodding slightly to her words. He couldn't argue with her even if he tried. Besides, she was right about one thing. He would continue to save hundreds upon hundreds of people in the future.

"Now! Are we gonna let this ice cream and all of these old hero movies go to waste?" At those words, Izuku opened his eyes again and stared at Ochako in surprise.

"Wait, you mean-?"

"Yep! You and I are gonna have a night long marathon of hero movies and you're gonna like it!" Ochako put her hands on her hips with a little determined pout, her nose scrunching up like it always does. She gets up quickly to go and retrieve the fallen items and Izuku watches as she does. She sure hasn't changed. She always did know how to cheer him up.

Smiling, Izuku stood. "At least let me get out of this sweaty costume first."

"I can help with that too if you want."

With an embarrassed laugh, Izuku waves her off. "Ochako-san, please." She's laughing with him, but he can't tell if she's serious or not. Either way, he goes off to his bedroom to change into comfier clothes, all the while smiling as he feels the earlier weight on his shoulders completely vanish.

 **Okay so excuse for Ochako's lingo. Like, in the manga sometimes whenever she got like really nervous or whenever she was talking to her parents, she got this sort of country-like lingo? So I kinda went with assumptions that she sometimes slips into that whenever she gets really passionate or worked up about something. Soooo yeah. That's why.**

 **And if you haven't guessed it yet, I'm one of the few people who actually ship Izuocha so that's the meaning for the second half. Don't get me wrong Bakudeku and Tododeku are p okay in my book, but like I can't really see either of them having a heartfelt talk about this with Izuku. Ochako however…**

 **So yeah.**

 **This is my first BNHA fic so I hope it was alright. Izuku seems like the kind of guy who would beat himself up over not managing to save everyone, despite knowing that being able to save everyone every single time is quite impossible. You can't be in ten places at once, y'know?**


End file.
